IF YA SMELL WHAT THE HOCK IS COOKING??!!

Memories...

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Havent blogged in quite some time, partly coz my computer at home faced an internet connection prob, and partly coz i have been so so busy and caught up with arts camp preparations.

havent slept very well.

havent ate very well.

tired,

but yet

excited.

Before i know it, it is 12 days to pre-camp, and 26 days to Arts Camp.

Within a month, everything will be all over.

The period for me now feels like the calm before a storm. Like what Gandalf told Merry in Lord of the Rings before the orcs mount their attack on Gondor.

Everything is more or less settled, except for House ICs and mini-bash.

John F Kennedy once said that "Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other."

How true.

I used to think that i knew a lot when i ran for MC last year, but as time passes, i realize that there are so many things that i didnt know. And as part of the 25th MC, i m learning too as i go along. And it goes the same for Arts Camp as well.

I dun deny that there are a lot of things which i dun know about, but yet as the PD, i have to maintain a strong image in front of everyone else, if not i run the risk of losing the confidence of my com members. Many of them are seniors as well, which means they have the advantage of experience over myself, having been thru previous camps and knowing how things can work "safely".

Sometimes people see me at one corner, brooding, looking angry/frustrated and thinking to myself. The truth is that a lot of times during these moments, i am not angry with any particular person, but rather, i am angry with myself as to why i couldnt have provided better guidance to my com members. A lot of times, i realize that it is because i do not know enough, and that is what makes me frustrated, becoz as the pd, i should always have answers, but yet sometimes i dun have them, or i need a longer time to come up with the answers. This greatly irritates myself.

i set very high expectations for myself both in work and in life. Maybe thats why i often get disappointed when i cant reach them.

it is also very disheartening when i hear people complain that i put too many mc members in my organizing com. From the offset, i have my reasons, and i still stand by those reasons today. Reasons which i feel there is no point writing in my blog and telling others, as long as i know myself. My original plan was to rope in my entire Sports Cell members into the Arts Camp com, but eventually i decided to recommend all these people into O Week Com to help Xuzi instead, so that they will still stay and help.

Sometimes i get reminded about too many mc members in the O Com, sometimes i get niaoed by this fact. And yet i still have to put up a grinning face. Its making me very tired sometimes. Whats done has been done, i always dun see the point of harping on decisions made in the past.

end of the day, i am still learning. I am human, a freshman going onto 2nd year, and i will make mistakes, but whats important is that i learn from them, and i continue to believe in myself.

I miss my old life.

Sometimes i think hocky was much more chirpy and cheerful in the past.

Was looking at my old photos the other day, and realize how jaded i have seemed to be. Maybe its the hair hah.

The Incredible Hock