Memories...
Saturday, June 18, 2005
"Everyday i take a step nearer to my dream......"Bobby asked me the other night over msn, what my dream was. I hesitated in my answer, becoz my dream is so hard to put down in words...6 months ago on Dec 29th 2004, I took up Arts Camp. 6 months later, with only 2 days to Arts Camp, I am filled with enormous and numerous feelings inside me. Excited, anxious, happy, anticipatory, so many so many feelings within. Doing my best to stay calm and control myself.I always believe life is a path filled with dreams along the way, dreams which will guide you, and allow u to explore the meaning of life, and give u purpose in life.I gave 6 months of my life to my dream- Arts Camp 2005. For every single day since Dec 29th 2oo4, I think about the camp and how to make it better in every single aspect. Every single day. I mean it.Sometimes i wake up from my sleep, having dreamt of the actual camp itself, and i will grin to myself.Thats why the fact that the camp is so so near, keeps reminding me that the REAL dream is near, very near.I was reading all my previous blog entries for the past months, and i realize how far the journey has gone..There was a time when i had absolutely nothing concrete about Arts Camp except for pen and paper, dreams and visions.Todae the stage is all set, everything is ready, everything that could be done has been done.Looking back, so much has happened till todae. It was so heartwarming and encouraging to see all the councillors and house ICs working so hard and coming back the past few weeks to do mascots, bond, shoot video, house identities etc..I cant thank these people enuff, becoz they gave me the strength to carry on.Sometimes when i get so tired and sick of planning, I step out of the clubroom, and seeing the councillors put in their fair share of hard work, I tell myself that i cannot let these people down.Neither can i let down my O Com.That i must give the best camp to these people, and to the freshmen.Everyone is in this together...and at the end of the day i hope this will be the start of a new beginning for everyone.Shall not reveal my dream until the actual camp itself i think...Its realli hard to put it down in words...This will be my last blog before the camp. Havent slept much the past 2 weeks, and the main event is coming up. I need whatever rest i can.Sometimes i just fall asleep after lunch unknowingly...i owe my tuition kid too..havent been a very good or attentive tutor these days.I wonder whether i will see life the same again after next Fri.I wonder how after next Fri, the lives and memories of 400 people might change.I m proud to say i have done whatever i can to try and make this camp a success for the past 6 months. The rest, of what will unfold next, may not be in my hands anymore.God Bless Arts Camp 2005- ARTSTASY."And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln
Thursday, June 09, 2005
This is gonna be a long blog. Looking back one day later, so much emotions and thoughts emerged for me just after 2 days of pre-camp and 3 nights of preparations. From the extreme highs to the extreme lows. Wow, what a roller-coaster ride.Preparations for pre-camp for me began on a Sunday afternoon, when i rushed back to school to brief the House ICs and DPDs. Previously had been a little hazy with the roles of House ICs and how to connect with them. I was thus extremely encouraged by the enthusiasm and spirit of Slyvia, Ivan, Charmaine, and Swilin. (In fact, throughout the later 2 days, seeing the House ICs grow in confidence and unite their respective houses was a great source of comfort, encouragement and happiness for me and the DPDs.)I took a long long time to select and handpick the House ICs, becoz firstly, this group of people need to have that something special to be able to bond an entire house, and to ra ra the crowd. You can guide the House ICs on their roles, but u cannot teach them on the ground what to do exactly. A lot is down to their own initiative and charisma. Secondly, some of them were initially against the idea of being House ICs and a lot of effort has to be put in and persuade them to take up this challenge.Got angry during the night, becoz a lot of people were late and didnt account properly and earlier. Was very disappointed with some people. Was also the first time in Uni and Arts Club that i snapped at people during a meeting, becoz i felt i had enough of people being late. Imagine sleeping so little every night, coming to school so early after the previous long night negotiating with the planet paradigm manager, and then seeing people repeat the same mistake which has been emphasized over and over again.Steven came up to me after the meeting and commented me for reprimanding the com. I think he totally understood how i felt. (Later after the pre-camp night at the beach he would tell me and xuzi that he went thru the same shit that we went thru, last yr as the o week pd.)First day of pre-camp came. There were good and bad points. Seeing the councillors stream in, every single one of them, encouraged us. Later on, the feeling of Arts Camp came back again, that familiar feeling which made me so determined to organize it this year, and bring this feeling and spirit back to everyone again, be it people in the MC, Arts Club, seniors, councillors and freshies.Seeing the councillors bond by night time was heartwarming, really heartwarming.A bit of disagreement came here and there, and i was stuck in between.Rudy's advice for me to take a step back during pre-camp hit right on the spot. I was able to see more clearly what went right and wrong, what could have been done better, and the dynamics of everyone involved with the camp.Debriefing on the first night wasnt easy. Again, i felt i had to be brutally honest, becoz i felt some things had to be said or else they wouldnt be resolved. I gave a scolding again, something which i fucking hate to do all my life, becoz i know the feeling of being scolded sucked big time. Had my fair share of being screwed during YLTC in my jc days, and in my army days as a trooper, so trust me when i said tat i know how it feels.If i have to be a bad guy and point out all the bad things to people for the sake of the camp, i will do it. For months since taking up Arts Camp, i have been very patient and never scolded anyone in the com. When the stakes are so high now, i have to be strict with com discipline, becoz if com discipline is not there, there ll be a chain and snowball effect for the entire camp, and certain people will continue to not take things seriously.Did my share of apologies after the debriefing to some people, becoz i am no saint myself and committed mistakes as well.Told don to buy me a packet of skittles for supper, those nice chewy sweets ALWAYS have the effect of keeping me from smoking. If i can go thru the entire arts camp without touching a single stick, i ll be proud of myself. So far, so good.Thankfully, second day of pre-camp went much much better. It was again, heartwarming to see the councillors returning, especially when you know that many of them, including own friends like jiayin, joy, slyvia, johan were tired and some even feeling unwell. People who made the effort to come down and show their support and be on time...Really appreciate that.Seeing the 4 houses slug it out during Gladiator and cheering each other on was the highlight of the day for me.An incident happened at the beach which made a lot of parties upset. My initial reaction was quite impulsive, and i almost wanted to fucking whack the little ah beng right smack in the face. Too bad i didnt bring my helmet along. Little brats like them think they are so tough, but when you actually confront these people, 90 percent of the time they back off. Which was what happened.Felt sad that a lot of parties were wronged. Steven didnt deserve to be wronged, suzi didnt deserve to be wronged, nobody deserved to. End of the day, it was a combination of circumstances and each person's personal view of the first step to take during that incident which led to the episode. Initially i thought suzi wasnt right, but looking back, i realized together with steven tat suzi was probably the person who reacted the most calmly among the 3 of us, but his intentions were misunderstood.I am at fault myself, for saying impulsive things not only at that moment, but earlier during the day as well. I sincerely am grateful to don for pointing that out to me during debrief, becoz i think its the first time in years that he actually told me that i have made a mistake. Friends who dare to say that you are wrong are friends really worth keeping.After the debrief, i remained at the beach with suzi and steven. I couldnt move, and neither could suzi. Knowing that suzi was wronged and feeling so upset, knowing that pre-camp had come to a successful conclusion, reminisicing what had happened the past few days, it was all too much to me.Tears welled up in my eyes and down my face. I didnt understand totally why they flowed. A combination of so many things. During the first night pre-camp debriefing, when i mentioned that i hate to scold people and scolding close friends normally makes me cry in the aftermath, i caught one or two people rolling their eyes. As i sat on the beach with the 2 of them and thought about all those things i said e past 2 days, i just couldnt control myself.It is not fun or enjoyable to scold people, especially when these people are some of your closest friends. Sometimes u say things and end up inevitably offending these friends, yet u can only hope that these friends can see the big picture at the end of the day, of why sometimes i have to behave the way i did, or say the things i did. A lot of memories of YLTC 2000 land ex came into my mind as well..Steven was there, and he had to console e two of us weeping around him. He has his own problems, and sometimes i think he 's the hardest one being hit. Just like us being PD, we could never show our emotional weaknesses in front of our committee, Steven as the President, could never show his emotional weaknesses in front of the MC. Sometimes, i know he spends certain nights crying in the clubroom, but yet he can never show it in front of us. Similiarly, as a PD, i cannot show my emotional vulnerability in front of my committee. Unfortunately, thats the way it has to be. Army teaches us that as well.End of the day, pre-camp was a great learning lesson to me, and to everyone i m sure. Things look very positive in fact, and its such a warm feeling to be able to get everyone back into the mood for Arts Camp, and back into the mood of making new friends.Today was a break for me, tomorrow meeting resumes in school and its back to preparations for the final push."The future depends on what we do in the present"- Gandhi
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Got a job as waiter with xuzi at our mini-bash venue haha, but i ll only start work after Arts Camp.Had a loonnng llonng chat with donny, ahaha, talked bout lotsa crap.hmmm..think wenqi s back in Singapore? havent seen her for quite a while. Lynette is back too haha, talked to her the other dae..You re so funny babe hahaThis would be last entry before Pre-camp. Wow, time flies.Everyday, I take a further step towards my dream. :)Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die,life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.-Lanston Hughes
Friday, June 03, 2005
got my results today..was happy coz despite the fucking busy sem, i managed to do quite well. And the good thing is that it totally dragged up my grades from the first sem. Realized that i studied the right way this sem compared to e last, and realli, at the end of the day, its not about how much u studied in uni, but rather how smart u study. At least the long duration of my exam period, being one of the last few to finish the papers on 5th May, paid off. All those weeks of suffering..Man..i m damn glad and relieved lah.
Haha, idiot beng beng, we shall postpone our fight to the next sem.
Hocky went for reservist yesterdae, haha, was a great dae for me lah. Met up with the whole Support Company and not just Scout platoon. Saw all my old army mates, and it was a great feeling realli. Some people changed a lot, some didnt. Got some mortar ah bengs still their usual self. Its great to know that our platoon would still be chionging together for the next 13 years for reservist!
haha, though we are all not as fit as before. There s a group of us, who used to get ippt gold quite easily during our service days, then yest all couldnt do well in ippt. One entire year of not keeping up our fitness really made a hell of a difference.
Surprised to know too, that a lot of the bikers in our platoon have stopped riding liao. Having said that, there was a point when 6 of us rode together from sungei gedong camp to Khatib camp for ippt, and the feeling was damn shiok lah haha. 6 bikes vroom vrooming together on the road is fun heh heh.
Just one day of reservist, but yet it made me reflect on a lot of things. Its a kind of undescribable warm comforting feeling u get when u see all yr old mates from different backgrounds. Along the future years, some of us will get married, have children etc..Wonder how we all change...But at least i know i ll have lotsa fun during future reservist trainings haha!
Spent hours settling the mini-bash with min min, suzi, and peipei...the venue is great, music is there, manager of the club helpful as well. Positive that we ll have a smashing bash haha
