Memories...
Friday, September 30, 2005
I m in the middle of a ps lect now..hah, i told myself to concentrate on the lesson, but in the end i end up blogging now, coz i m in a blogging mood haha..
this entire week i decide to dedicate it to my fren bobby...i wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, to listen to him and iron out the issues which i felt he had long wanted to tell me, but didnt. The past 4 daes i have slept with bobsie literally every night haha..and i m glad we talked things out..the truth is that i felt i was always there for him, and always there for the rest of the com..the thing is whether those with problems were ready and willing to talk to me.
todae is the 2nd official week of my term. I was telling bobsie that ever since the day i decided to re-run 2 months ago, I havent had a peaceful night of sleep. Every morning when i wake up, I felt that i havent realli slept at all somehow. I feel very guilty that i have missed Chen Shui Bian outing, missed my primary school friends gathering, havent organized an outing during the mid-term hols for my 26th oac friends, havent kept in touch much with my Sports Camp friends, couldnt make it for my Hwa Chong buddies soccer sessions, and when Xiaofen ask me just now whether can go for Sarsi outing next mondae (and reminded me that I havent been joining them much), i had to think very hard before i reply....I miss my old friends a lot, but I always tell myself that i will make it up to these people in future.
I havent been jogging much for the past 3 weeks as well, and i cant stand it when i dun exercise..i ll feel very uneasy and unhealthy haha.. and i m goin for my ippt tom morning..hah
At least my financial troubles are temporarily shelved..i had to fork out $380 for my annual bike insurance, $250 plus for new suit and attire the past few weeks. I have to work very hard during saturday nights plus giving additional tuition..in fact i m thinking of working on fri nights as well at paradigm, to earn more money for backup Arts club funds. Doesnt help that my dad is making a lot of noise bout the payment of my university fees again. In fact, i am seriously thinking of sticking to just a 3 years BA degree. I ll rather my brother study hard for the 4 years, becoz he s more of the diligent type..i know he wont waste my parents' money if he pursues honours. I dun want to take my dad's money studying for another year and then see his black face. I rather use that year to get a job and working experience.
haha, btw to my friends out there..when i blog, it doesnt mean that i m necessarily sad or upset..sometimes i just need an outlet to let my thoughts flow out..
a lot of people still want to see the old, happy, wild, fun-loving, and cheeky hocky back again. To these people; dun worry..i am still, and always the old, happy, wild, fun-loving, and cheeky hocky deep inside my heart. Its just that this period is an adjustment period for me after some of the tough times i have been thru recently..
But..i know myself....there are some things in me which i know will never change..and i know which i shouldnt change.
WHAZZUP YO, WHAZZUP YO...WO NAN EH CHA BOR SIBEI CHIO..... hahaha... :p
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
In the clubroom now...staying overnight once again haha...and doing a proposal to deans office...boobsie s besides me and as usual, trying to stroke my groin, ok he claims its inner thigh and not groin hah..ok..now he s caressing my hand bah..
anyway, i m kinda tired, haha! i have been going round and round meeting the Deanery, Deans Office personnel, OSA, OED, NUSSU..glad that relations have all gotten to a good start..in fact i enjoy meeting them haha..i expected a tough start to my term esp the settling down period but hey, i m confident in the 26th really..cant wait for Arts Open to begin oredi.. :) everydae i m learning more about each and every single one of them..and having more feelings for them..the hard part is balancing work with friendship..and bonding them at this stage...Still, i remain confident that they ll do good..just need to keep faith..keep believing in them...
been keeping a lot of things to myself recently...good or bad? I m not sure myself
on to a more personal note, there is this person who gives me inner peace..an inner sense of tranquility and ease..everyday..Thank you.... :) and for that picture..haha..
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
WHAT A MONTH......
i didnt blog for almost 24 days, partly becoz i have been so busy (seriously) and secondly, i choose to shut down myself emotionally to concentrate on ROP and elections. I guess the night before ROP was my last personal emotional outflow to myself.
The past month has been..hmmmm..kinda hard to put down in words. Definitely a very tough period for me to go thru, but i m glad i made it, and pulled through. Been ridiculed, criticized, slammed, doubted, judged, disappointed, looked down upon, mocked (even by my own friends)..Certain lies said about me as well. On the other hand, was loved, appreciated, encouraged, supported, admired, congratulated as well...So u see, it was a see-saw of highs and lows during this period.
Didnt agree with certain things being said and done by some people during this period..but i see no point in bringing them up anymore, and i rather keep quiet. Perhaps it was becoz of the very nature of the position which i was initially running for, which therefore exacted the strenous demands and expectations on me. I totally understand and expected that :)
I wud say the most tricky part of this period is being in both e 25th and 26th com, and having strong feelings for both. Seeing your own friends judge you during the entire process from ROP right up till internals wasnt easy, trust me. Leading a new com into battle at the same time isnt easy as well.
But hey, who said that a president's job is going to be easy in the first place? :)
I truly learnt a lot from this one month. I felt that i have become stronger, and perhaps all presidents need to go thru this phase to toughen themselves up mentally and emotionally. I rem Steven had to go thru this period last year as well.
I learnt that (and i seriously mean it) it is impossible to please everyone, and impossible that everyone knows what you are thinking or yr intentions behind your actions. Why? Becoz there is only ONE me, and billions of other people in the world.
With respect to the previous point, I learnt also not to take what others say about me too personally. Granted, this is something which is not easy for me to change, but i feel i m making quite a headway in this aspect. Esp like what i mentioned, people may not see your good intentions. Had i took everything said or thrown at me during this elections period personally, I prob wud have crumbled.
I learnt that humans, being oh well, humans, tend to easily forget the good things that u have done in the past and concentrate on the bad. Was disappointed at times when the past year of sweat, effort, tears and everything that i put in seem to have been so conveniently forgotten by some people.
I learnt that people always wont see what you are PHYSICALLY doing as well. That is another tricky part of being a President..Becoz in reality, a lot of things which Presidents do are behind the scenes.
I learnt that Presidents have to make unpopular decisions at times, a job hazard which comes along. Sometimes presidents already forsee the difficulties or problems ahead, but it is not easy conveying that across to the respective com members.
Perhaps most importantly, I learned who are some of my true friends, and who genuninely cared for me. I learnt that if people are your real friends, they will still stay with u, support u, care for u.. no matter which com/ school/ neighbourhood/ planet blah blah which u shift to.
I still have a lot to say, but i m feeling kinda tired now..after coming back from paradigm. Will continue again......
Friday, September 02, 2005
i have a feeling this is going to be a long blog...
tomorrow is ROP camp. I cant sleep, becoz a bundle of memories just keep flashing back to me..memories of ROP last year..esp with me and diana, and alex..ROP can change a lot of things..i realize that last year i didnt really know diana and alex before the camp..but after those 3 days around the entire island of singapore, e 2 of them became e closest friends in 25th mc together with me..and we have been there for each other, sharing problems with one another for e entire year..
i love 25th..realli..sometimes it makes me so sad to know that i m stepping down soon..and its even sadder on a personal note, becoz i m re-running for 26th, which means i m not in e rop com, and a lot of things cant be known to me. Which i totally understand...
i dunno why..i just feel very sad deep inside tonight..steven, beng, ning, diana baby, chonghan, giang, peipei, alex, mary, yuimin, alvin, yanyan, gerri, junie, suuuzzii..i realize how much fun, blood, pain, sweat and tears i have with this group of 15 people...who have been such a big part of my life for e past year..and even though its like only one year, it seems to me that we have all been together for years....having been thru so many days and nights together...
i m shedding tears now..i dunno why..in fact i always dunno why i tear easily. Todae durin my GEK1006 tutorial, our tutor told us to write one attribute of yourself which you cannot understand why. I wrote the word "emotional", becoz i dunno why i m so emotional for the past 22 years. Maybe its becoz of the way i m brought up..
e past few weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions for me, and i know it prob wont end perhaps till e entire elections is over...months ago, i thought about not re-running until arts camp and fop came along and touched me so deeply...
crying very badly now..i hate it when i m like this..i dunno why..very badly..my emotions are overwhelming me now..
sometimes i feel so lonely about re-running dear blog, esp when suzzi left..e rest of the 25th are able to sit around the clubroom table, talking about what they are going to do after they step down..suzzi going for dance and cheerleading, mary s goin for soccer training, chonghan will settle down more with shuyi, alex will continue intensively for dragonboat,yuimin s enjoyin hall life, steven and gang will have lotsa lotsa dota sessions, the list goes on and on...
but for me,i am going to re-run. And i feel that i m stuck in a zone in between the outgoing 25th and the incoming 26th, stepping down and feeling sad, yet stepping up again in a completely new com..
i feel touched and encouraged by all the people who asked me to run for president, every single one of them, who have the faith in me and believe in me..already criticisms have been struck at me, and i realize that i cannot possible please everyone in this world.. but as long as i know there are people out there who wants me to go for it and who believe in me, i will do my best for them. I cant let the new 26th down and i will not let Arts Club down. And if people ever wants to judge us, judge us when we step down next year, not when we are stepping up. Everyone needs a chance to learn and to shine when they are in a new job and position.
*be ridtzified* :
my rop camp super good rite?
Hocky:
yah..ridz..
Hocky-
crying now leh..
*be ridtzified* :
relac.....
*be ridtzified* :
cryin is passion
Hocky-
realli..
Hocky:
u know..
Hocky-
i really will miss my 25th..
Hocky-
realli..
*be ridtzified* :
yeah man its a process
*be ridtzified* :
i loved my first com the best
*be ridtzified* :
in my second com it was about leadership more than it was about frens
*be ridtzified:
i loved my first com
*be ridtzified*:
my best frens came all from my first com
Hocky-
feel so lonely sometimes rid..and feel so vulnerable this period of time, but yet i have to stay strong
Hocky:
esp in front of the 26th
Hocky-:
rest of 25th are talking about their new lives after mc etc etc,
*be ridtzified* :
yeah man its like dat
Hocky-:
i will miss them a lot a lot..
*be ridtzified* :
dats the burden of leadership
*be ridtzified* :
but den the rewards are enthralling
Hocky-
was it worth for u in the end rid?
Hocky-:
that has been a question
Hocky:
i have been askin
Hocky-:
myself everydae since i decided to re run
Hocky-
deep inside my heart
*be ridtzified* :
u noe
*be ridtzified* ::
in the end at last years agm, i felt a sense of elevation'
*be ridtzified* :
a realisation that i had made good
*be ridtzified* :
even if u give me a 5.0 cap score to replace this commitment, i wil lstill choose this journey
Hocky:
realli ah rid..
Hocky-
thats heartening to know..
*be ridtzified* ::
yeah
*be ridtzified*
this is the journey of ur lifetime
*be ridtzified* :
it starts tommorrow
Hocky-
thanks for all yr support this period..i wont forget it..
Hocky-
i just hope that e faith of u and rudy in me
Hocky-:
is justified..
Hocky-
sometimes
Hocky-
i wake up all set to take on the world
Hocky-
and bringing arts club along
Hocky-:
sometimes
Hocky-:
i wake up asking myself why
Hocky-
i m doing all these things again
Hocky-:
sacrificing so much of my life
*be ridtzified* ::
well
*be ridtzified*:
the answer is there
*be ridtzified* ::
when u see the first og cheer at arts camp
*be ridtzified* :
when the first goal is scored in arts open
*be ridtzified* :
when the dean calls u and asks u how is arts club
*be ridtzified*:
when u wait in anticipation as arts fac lines up to do rag presentation
*be ridtzified*:
it is in these moments that gratification takes on a new definition
*be ridtzified* :
a coke cost 80 cents chicken rice 2.50, apple i book 1.7k
*be ridtzified* :
dignity of leadership = priceless
Hocky-
...
*be ridtzified* : ~
Hocky-
i think u are right rid..
Hocky-
such moments do are priceless..
Hocky-
thats why i cried at the end of arts camp..
*be ridtzified* :
yeah and dats the essence
*be ridtzified* :
at this point in time, when i am about to enter the workforce
*be ridtzified* :
i have more self-esteem and higher confidence than the majority of graduates
*be ridtzified* :
at the end of ur journey
*be ridtzified*
u will too
Hocky- One year on..Back to ROP camp..flooding memories..A bundle of feelings.. says:
..
Hocky- One year on..Back to ROP camp..flooding memories..A bundle of feelings.. says:
thanks ridz..
*be ridtzified* : ~to make your dreams come true, you have to stay awake~ says:
no prob
Hocky- One year on..Back to ROP camp..flooding memories..A bundle of feelings.. says:
i need to continue to believe in myself..and the new com..
Hocky- One year on..Back to ROP camp..flooding memories..A bundle of feelings.. says:
i cant let 26th down
*be ridtzified* : ~to make your dreams come true, you have to stay awake~ says:
yeah
*be ridtzified* : ~to make your dreams come true, you have to stay awake~ says:
dun worry
*be ridtzified* : ~to make your dreams come true, you have to stay awake~ says:
u have wad it takes-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e conversation over msn touched me deeply....thank u ridz..for everything..
tomorrow is a new beginning, the start of a new journey.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
thanks suzziii for e talk just now :)
know what? only me and you truly understand how each other felt that dae during nominations dae...so many memories just flashed past..haha..hope u have lotsa fun for yr dancing yeah
haha..i m supposing to be resting and sleeping more before rop camp, but in fact e opposite thing is happening..i m sleeping less and less..haha
i saw adelene, wendy,and qiu qiu todae..Yay!! haha
apple is a really powerful, organized and happening computer..i never regretted buying my ibook at all..u guys shud try it somedae realli..
as usual, last week at paradigm exciting events happened again..Just when i thought it was going to be an uneventful night, some drunkards started shouting at each other and there was a big hoo ha when their respective gangs came in and surrounded each other..e bouncers came in to separate the aggressive groups, who were almost going to come to blows.. (actually i think they prob continued their duel downstairs afterwards)
