IF YA SMELL WHAT THE HOCK IS COOKING??!!

Memories...

Sunday, February 12, 2006

i couldnt sleep e whole night.

the 5 words which my friend put in his sms to me just keeps flashing in my mind. Keeps going around my head.

those words really disturb me. Am i really what like what he said i am? And it came as a complete shock to me, becoz i was genuinely concerned about him when i called and messaged him. And i have tried my best to defend and protect him ever since the beginning..just like the rest. Ever since Aug 05.

I always thought, always believe i ll make a good president.

But i thought really hard and long tonight, and realize that i was wrong.

I m just a crude person who ll never make a good president, as much as i try.

Its true. I ruined the night, a night which is supposed to be genuinely happy and a good time for bonding.

And i dun even feel like explaining my views or what exactly i said anymore or what was behind the scenes anymore. People will just feel that i m trying to justify myself.

Should i just simply relax, sit back, and be popular? After all, no president has ever been popular during their stay in office..rudy..kelvin..steven..

Am i too work-oriented? Too hard on others? Too demanding? Too harsh?

I think so...

i realize tonight that i am not as strong as i thought i was. its e 1st time i ever broke a jug or any form of glassware while working as a waiter, a symbolic act to me.

maybe i shouldnt have re-run... I should have just step down and enjoy life with 25th..

i would have been much happier. Why should i subject myself to endless misunderstandings, criticisms and heartaches..

Sometimes i do things for the future, or for the bigger picture..

Sometimes i wonder if people were in my shoes, what wud they have done themselves? How wud they have reacted before criticizing me?

Sigh.

I m Tired.

Tired of trying to explain. Tired of having good intentions yet being potrayed as unreasonable, demanding.

I m Helpless.

Helpless when others choose to make their own conclusions without clarifying matters with me.

I m Angry.

Angry with myself and my own incapabilities.

I m Disillusioned.

Disillusioned that things have to turn out this way.

I hate this kind of feeling..

Dear God, what should i do?

Maybe u were right after all...I m not fit to be in this post and I shouldnt have re-run.

But there's 1 thing which i m right.

Happiness doesnt last for me.

I knew it.

The Incredible Hock