Memories...
Monday, June 26, 2006
Its 3 hours to Arts Camp 2006.... :)
What can i say?
POOF!
May the legend continue... =)
Friday, June 23, 2006
We have 288 freshies signing up for Arts Camp!!! WOOHOOO!! Thats like the biggest camp in years!!
And that's almost one fifth of the entire Arts fac freshie population le!!
What can i say?? I m delighted!! =) And really excited!!
As i was telling xiaohong, this ll augur well for the future of the Club, esp the 27th MC, and the few batches beyond..more freshies sign up ll mean higher rate of future raggers, o-weekers, Arts Club affiliates, and hopefully more people running for 27th MC! =p
Thats why Arts Camp's so important!! Coz it ll affect the future a lot a lot!
Really happy! This is great news! Thank god for the early mail run this year! And the wonderful efforts of the PR Team led by Shuning!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
As i rode back home alone in the cold night, a flood of past bad memories came back to haunt me.
And i hate to be reminded of them.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Feeling very sad and xian todae again... =( And doing a lot of things to distract myself.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Sigh..sad dae for me...wasnt the fatigue from Rag though...hmmm..
HISTORY REVISITED!!!!! (time realli flies..i still a bit cannot believe it..flood of memories came back as i was reading these past entries..)
9TH JUNE 2OO5:This is gonna be a long blog. Looking back one day later, so much emotions and thoughts emerged for me just after 2 days of pre-camp and 3 nights of preparations. From the extreme highs to the extreme lows. Wow, what a roller-coaster ride.
Preparations for pre-camp for me began on a Sunday afternoon, when i rushed back to school to brief the House ICs and DPDs. Previously had been a little hazy with the roles of House ICs and how to connect with them. I was thus extremely encouraged by the enthusiasm and spirit of Slyvia, Ivan, Charmaine, and Swilin. (In fact, throughout the later 2 days, seeing the House ICs grow in confidence and unite their respective houses was a great source of comfort, encouragement and happiness for me and the DPDs.)
I took a long long time to select and handpick the House ICs, becoz firstly, this group of people need to have that something special to be able to bond an entire house, and to ra ra the crowd. You can guide the House ICs on their roles, but u cannot teach them on the ground what to do exactly. A lot is down to their own initiative and charisma. Secondly, some of them were initially against the idea of being House ICs and a lot of effort has to be put in and persuade them to take up this challenge.
Got angry during the night, becoz a lot of people were late and didnt account properly and earlier. Was very disappointed with some people. Was also the first time in Uni and Arts Club that i snapped at people during a meeting, becoz i felt i had enough of people being late. Imagine sleeping so little every night, coming to school so early after the previous long night negotiating with the planet paradigm manager, and then seeing people repeat the same mistake which has been emphasized over and over again.
Steven came up to me after the meeting and commented me for reprimanding the com. I think he totally understood how i felt. (Later after the pre-camp night at the beach he would tell me and xuzi that he went thru the same shit that we went thru, last yr as the o week pd.)
First day of pre-camp came. There were good and bad points. Seeing the councillors stream in, every single one of them, encouraged us. Later on, the feeling of Arts Camp came back again, that familiar feeling which made me so determined to organize it this year, and bring this feeling and spirit back to everyone again, be it people in the MC, Arts Club, seniors, councillors and freshies.
Seeing the councillors bond by night time was heartwarming, really heartwarming.
A bit of disagreement came here and there, and i was stuck in between.
Rudy's advice for me to take a step back during pre-camp hit right on the spot. I was able to see more clearly what went right and wrong, what could have been done better, and the dynamics of
everyone involved with the camp.
Debriefing on the first night wasnt easy. Again, i felt i had to be brutally honest, becoz i felt some things had to be said or else they wouldnt be resolved. I gave a scolding again, something which i hate to do all my life, becoz i know the feeling of being scolded sucked big time. Had my fair share of being screwed during YLTC in my jc days, and in my army days as a trooper, so trust me when i said tat i know how it feels.
If i have to be a bad guy and point out all the bad things to people for the sake of the camp, i will do it. For months since taking up Arts Camp, i have been very patient and never scolded anyone in the com. When the stakes are so high now, i have to be strict with com discipline, becoz if com discipline is not there, there ll be a chain and snowball effect for the entire camp, and certain people will continue to not take things seriously.
Did my share of apologies after the debriefing to some people, becoz i am no saint myself and committed mistakes as well.
Told don to buy me a packet of skittles for supper. Thanks dude!
Thankfully, second day of pre-camp went much much better. It was again, heartwarming to see the councillors returning, especially when you know that many of them, including own friends like jiayin, joy, slyvia, johan were tired and some even feeling unwell. People who made the effort to come down and show their support and be on time...Really appreciate that.
Seeing the 4 houses slug it out during Gladiator and cheering each other on was the highlight of the day for me.
An incident happened at the beach which made a lot of parties upset. My initial reaction was quite impulsive, and i almost wanted to whack the little ah beng right smack in the face. Too bad i didnt bring my helmet along. Little brats like them think they are so tough, but when you actually confront these people, 90 percent of the time they back off. Which was what happened.
Felt sad that a lot of parties were wronged. Steven didnt deserve to be wronged, suzi didnt deserve to be wronged, nobody deserved to. End of the day, it was a combination of circumstances and each person's personal view of the first step to take during that incident which led to the episode. Initially i thought suzi wasnt right, but looking back, i realized together with steven tat suzi was probably the person who reacted the most calmly among the 3 of us, but his intentions were misunderstood.
I am at fault myself, for saying impulsive things not only at that moment, but earlier during the day as well. I sincerely am grateful to don for pointing that out to me during debrief, becoz i think its the first time in years that he actually told me that i have made a mistake. Friends who dare to say that you are wrong are friends really worth keeping.
After the debrief, i remained at the beach with suzi and steven. I couldnt move, and neither could suzi. Knowing that suzi was wronged and feeling so upset, knowing that pre-camp had come to a successful conclusion, reminisicing what had happened the past few days, it was all too much to me.
Tears welled up in my eyes and down my face. I didnt understand totally why they flowed. A combination of so many things. During the first night pre-camp debriefing, when i mentioned that i hate to scold people and scolding close friends normally makes me cry in the aftermath, i caught one or two people rolling their eyes. As i sat on the beach with the 2 of them and thought about all those things i said e past 2 days, i just couldnt control myself.
It is not fun or enjoyable to scold people, especially when these people are some of your closest friends. Sometimes u say things and end up inevitably offending these friends, yet u can only hope that these friends can see the big picture at the end of the day, of why sometimes i have to behave the way i did, or say the things i did. A lot of memories of YLTC 2000 land ex came into my mind as well..
Steven was there, and he had to console e two of us weeping around him. He has his own problems, and sometimes i think he 's the hardest one being hit. Just like us being PD, we could never show our emotional weaknesses in front of our committee, Steven as the President, could never show his emotional weaknesses in front of the MC. Sometimes, i know he spends certain nights crying in the clubroom, but yet he can never show it in front of us. Similiarly, as a PD, i cannot show my emotional vulnerability in front of my committee. Unfortunately, thats the way it has to be. Army teaches us that as well.
End of the day, pre-camp was a great learning lesson to me, and to everyone i m sure. Things look very positive in fact, and its such a warm feeling to be able to get everyone back into the mood for Arts Camp, and back into the mood of making new friends.
Today was a break for me, tomorrow meeting resumes in school and its back to preparations for the final push.
"The future depends on what we do in the present"- Gandhi
18TH JUNE 2005:
"Everyday i take a step nearer to my dream......"Bobby asked me the other night over msn, what my dream was. I hesitated in my answer, becoz my dream is so hard to put down in words...
6 months ago on Dec 29th 2004, I took up Arts Camp.
6 months later, with only 2 days to Arts Camp, I am filled with enormous and numerous feelings inside me. Excited, anxious, happy, anticipatory, so many so many feelings within. Doing my best to stay calm and control myself.
I always believe life is a path filled with dreams along the way, dreams which will guide you, and allow u to explore the meaning of life, and give u purpose in life.
I gave 6 months of my life to my dream- Arts Camp 2005.
For every single day since Dec 29th 2oo4, I think about the camp and how to make it better in every single aspect. Every single day. I mean it.
Sometimes i wake up from my sleep, having dreamt of the actual camp itself, and i will grin to myself.
Thats why the fact that the camp is so so near, keeps reminding me that the REAL dream is near, very near.
I was reading all my previous blog entries for the past months, and i realize how far the journey has gone..
There was a time when i had absolutely nothing concrete about Arts Camp except for pen and paper, dreams and visions.
Todae the stage is all set, everything is ready, everything that could be done has been done.
Looking back, so much has happened till todae. It was so heartwarming and encouraging to see all the councillors and house ICs working so hard and coming back the past few weeks to do mascots, bond, shoot video, house identities etc..
I cant thank these people enuff, becoz they gave me the strength to carry on.
Sometimes when i get so tired and sick of planning, I step out of the clubroom, and seeing the councillors put in their fair share of hard work, I tell myself that i cannot let these people down.
Neither can i let down my O Com.
That i must give the best camp to these people, and to the freshmen.
Everyone is in this together...and at the end of the day i hope this will be the start of a new beginning for everyone.
Shall not reveal my dream until the actual camp itself i think...Its realli hard to put it down in words...
This will be my last blog before the camp. Havent slept much the past 2 weeks, and the main event is coming up. I need whatever rest i can.
Sometimes i just fall asleep after lunch unknowingly...i owe my tuition kid too..havent been a very good or attentive tutor these days.
I wonder whether i will see life the same again after next Fri.
I wonder how after next Fri, the lives and memories of 400 people might change.
I m proud to say i have done whatever i can to try and make this camp a success for the past 6 months.
The rest, of what will unfold next, may not be in my hands anymore.
God Bless Arts Camp 2005- ARTSTASY.
"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln
Sunday, June 18, 2006
MY 301ST BLOG POST!!!
I trust my Libra instinct a lot, and it tells me this:
"We are going to have the biggest Arts Camp in years!!!"
Already 130 freshies signed up with 1 week to go!!! This news really made my dae!
And with people gradually checking their mailbox and receiving the mailrun, a lot more will come...
1 week to go..and my blood is boiling excitedly again..
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Wah, the last few daes have been really hectic and tiring man. Slept only a few hours each dae..and not becoz of the World cup.
Mail run finally settled and sent out le, and so much earlier than last yr! Phew, thats a great relief.. ^_^ now is to wait for the new freshies to open their mailbox and call little india le haha..i realize i m more excited bout this yr's Arts Camp in a different way...as in, i m really keen to see the new incoming freshies, and to spot for potential talents who might be interested in running for Arts Club..and at the same time, i m really excited to see how the rest of the 26th wud behave as seniors, or lao laos as they like to call me, bobsie, and rayner haha..
Once Arts Camp starts, there's no turning back le..they ll no longer be freshies..they ll be seniors in the eyes of the new incoming freshies..and most likely they ll see how they themselves had behaved 1 year ago haha..when u re a senior, sometimes its like looking into a mirror, seeing things/mistakes/achievements tat u yrself has made as a freshie...
There were a few really tough and heavy decisions to be made in the last few daes, which partly explains the hecticness and fatigue i feel. Decisions result in consequences which in turn result in taking up responsibility for these consequences. Therefore, before making them, one has to really process the thoughts, pros and cons, of those decisions.
A lot of people around has been feeling tired and down recently. Looking at them reminds me of myself last yr, who felt xian and disappointed at various stages with MC life, particularly during Sem 2 where there re so many projects and before Arts Camp..and of coz, when various personal factors including relationship with friends, gf/bfs, family, etc get strained....I do hope and pray that these people can find the meaning and rainbow behind what they re doing 1 day...I found mine on the last dae of Arts Camp 2005..hmmm..i hope they can find theirs too... =) to each his own...
Behind every dark cloud, and after every storm is a rainbow.....i do feel that in life, everyone has to make choices. Every choice will affect the future in some way. Sometimes, a good way to look back at whether u have made the right choice is to ask yrself, "If i do not do this, will i regret it for the rest of my life?" If your answer to this question at that point when u re making the decision is "yes..i ll regret it if i dun do this..", then do not look back and regret your decision.
Becoz sometimes life is too short to regret about the past. Look ahead to the future, and if u still cant help feeling remorse or regret, then try yr best to do concrete actions to wash away the past.
In life, every decision u make will involve a choice, an opportunity cost, and a sacrifice in some way.
Yupz..someone asked me a few daes ago whether i ll worry if no one in the 26th re-runs. My answer last time wud be a "yes, i ll be worried", but looking back, esp after learning from last yr's elections and ROP camp..i feel it is the personal decision of every single individual, and at the end of the dae, it is no point forcing or persuading anyone to re-run if they do not have the passion or the heart to re-run..
like i said earlier, in life, every decision one makes will involve a choice, an opportunity cost, and a sacrifice in some way. If one cannot override or overcome the sacrifices involved for another yr, then one shouldnt re-run.
thought about all these as i was thinking bout the future these few daes as well..haha..
Bobsie and i were also looking at a picture which the com took together when we stepped up at thank-you dinner last yr..haha..brought up quite a lot of memories..but also cleared a lot of my thoughts..at the end of the dae, i do really wish to see a happy, relaxed, mature, and proud 26th step down..yupz..every passing dae is a dae towards Thank-you dinner 2006 hahaha..
Monday, June 12, 2006
Its 12th June le.
Time is running out.
Phew.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Made 2 new keys for my bike at a cost of 50 bucks.. 25 for the towing and 25 for the locksmith..wow, i gotta give it to the locksmith man..its quite amazing how he can just use a wire then poke here poke there, trying out a few keys and then bingo, got the new key and problem solved.
World cup has finally started..so far all my predictions has gone correct, except that i ve stopped punting liao haha..wow..its gonna be 1 whole month of football action..this is going to be the 4th World Cup that i m watching..my 1st one was back in 1994..12 years ago wah..i rem the German team then..who were really attractive to watch..and the mould of the team is totally diff from now..haha its wierd to c klinsmann as the manager now..back then he was a great striker partnering rudi voeller..they also had mattias sammer, jurgen kohler, christian ziege, jorg heinrich, stefan reuter, thomas hassler, mehmet scholl, stefan effenberg, andrea moller, heiko herlich, fredi bobic...great players..yup, WC94 was the era of baresi, maldini, romario, dunga, roberto baggio, faustino asprilla, carlos valderama, jorge campos, thomas brolin, hristo stoichkov, ruud gullit, frank rjkaard, batistuta, brian laudrup, michael laudrup etc....
yep, no doubt an exciting month ahead..
Thoughts about pre-camp...?
hmm...i must say 1st of all in general, it wasnt easy to totally hand over Arts Camp, my "baby" and something which meant so much to me, something which i spent 7 months of my life preparing and giving my best for...over to a whole new team of people. To be honest, it felt very wierd n awkard to be sitting among the councillors and the crowd, becoz it only seems like yesterdae to me when i was standing in front of the entire campers, talking jokes and inspiring the camp..leading the entire camp in cheers and ra-raing everyone as a whole..making all the big decisions and shaping the direction of the camp and the O Com..spending my time everydae thinkin of how best to improve every aspect of Arts Camp..
As a result, it felt very tricky and irks me whenever i see things which i feel are not right, and which could be improved on during the process of pre-camp..even little little things, or little comments which people may make out of joking intent, keeps me thinking..i was thus very affected by the comments of certain councillors on the 2nd day, so much that i didnt have the mood to cheer or laugh after that, unlike the 1st dae..Becoz i really want e best n everyone to be happy to come for the Camp, and if even 1 camper feels unhappy, i would want to know the reason why, whether is it the fault of the Club and organizers, and how best can we improve to make others feel comfortable with us..Arts Camp is very very important in reaching out to new people as well as the general Arts population..therefore its really no point if programmes are brillant but are done at the expense of connecting and building rapport with the campers..at least thats how i feel...
Yah..and i do feel a bit lost and unappreciated. N i m still asking myself whether i m part of the O Com or not (was slightly offended that people even wanted me to pay for the camp fees)..n whether i am considered an ex-officio for the camp..i rem last yr when i was e pd, i never once forgot bout the help and words that my advisors then, (rudy, ridhwan, and steven) gave me..even raynard (PD during 2003), and i never once forgot to thank each 1 of them for their help. Its really a sucky feeling, esp when i have been doin things behind the scenes, some things which the pd doesnt know but the cpos n caos know, some things which the dpds doesnt know but the pd know, some things which the cpos n caos know but the pd n dpds doesnt know, some things which the fop chairperson know but others dun..
And some things which i know but no one else knows.
Phew, its really tuff to say how i feel. Mayb thats why i took so long to blog down these thoughts. I m not doin things just so that i can earn the appreciation of others, as the things i do are part of my job and responsibilites as P. What i m tryin to say that is that i am human after all, i m not a machine, and i have feelings as well. Not even being worth a single simple word of "thanks" at the end of pre-camp makes me wonder at that point what the hell am i doin all these stuff for, and whether i m being taken for granted. It was actually quite hurting and xian. And i think, (very very sadly..) pre-camp has actually dampened my feelings for Arts Camp.
Having said all these, at e end of the day, i sat down and thought a lot to myself..n told myself to relax, chill, and remind myself of what my priorities are. N thinking about them allows me to stay more focused again..no doubt, i had my time, my golden days n limelight as Camp Pd last yr, but not others, thus there ll always come a time when the old have to step aside for the new. I was happy in a way that jj, lionel, lace, kelvin, guanz, shifty, ruby, bit bit, gandhi, little india, and many many other year1s (goin to yr2s) are steppin up and taking centre attention. These are the young people that needs to be blooded and groomed, becoz they are the future of Arts Club, not me. It would be selfish n short-sighted of me to continue hogging the limelight instead of giving way to these people.
At the same time, i reminded myself again tat my job as P is to make sure that everything goes on smoothly, n that things get settled into auto mode. N tat is e reason y i am a councillor as well, to provide feedback at the ground level, n to settle stuff at the school admin level so tat e O Com can concentrate on running the camp n the programmes. And i reminded myself that my job is not to wayang or do things in front of others, but to do things behind the scenes or when the chips are down (this goes for Rag as well). Unfortunately, some people just cannot see the big picture or see beyond the surface. And if they cannot do that, they will never be ready for true leadership.
Sining sent me a very touching sms 2 nights ago out of nowhere..encouraging me to hang in there, and reminding me that every fop is different. Indeed! Sometimes its little msgs like this which makes u sane and provides further meaning to the things u re doing..this is my 3rd fop, and i must always remind myself tat my role this time is different. Just like on e 2nd day of pre-camp, where i was called in by the Deans Office in the morning to settle some Rag stuff n had to miss a large part of the programmes..N there was also a friend who was upset in the morning n cried..which again nobody knows..and i had to try my best to console her..didnt want her to be upset for pre-camp..i recall that these were the kind of roles Steven had to play when he was P as well during fop2005..givin the necessary empowerment to the people in charge to run the show, while taking a backseat himself. "Clear up the mess left behind quietly", was what he used to teach me.
And it was really heartwarming to see so many former freshies from last yr's Arts Camp and FOP returning this yr to be councillors.. haha..it ll be really interesting to see how they ll behave as seniors. I do hope they become good seniors..
Yup, and at the end of e dae, i reminded myself again of the kind of leader which i strived to be. The kind who helps others to be leaders themselves, and the kind who after the work is done, will have the people remarking tat it was they who have done it themselves. It is a vision and something not easy for me to achieve, but a challenge to myself. I still believe todae that only Ps really understand how it feels like to be experiencing so many funny n complex feelings during fop period, and i do wonder how my successor in future will cope with it. =)
N so i continue to walk on...
Friday, June 09, 2006
damn blogger.com..had to wait so long before i could blog..
it was supposed to be a great dae, esp after a good meeting with aimspa manager abdul, and another enjoyable and fruitful rag session..sigh..but it all ended in xianness when i discovered that i lost my bike key..i think it must have dropped from my pouch when i was picking up all the damn calls from my hp.
What the hell la. I am seriously pissed and xianz. What a damn way to end my day!!!! And if i go get a new bike key, i ve a feeling its gonna cost me a bomb, and this comes at such a shit timing when i m trying to save up a bit and control my spending. And it gets me really irritated coz its going to create a lot of inconvenience, and i m meeting shuang er tom, and i hate it when shit like this distracts me from giving her my full attention. When there's problems on the back of my mind, its hard for me to relax and shake them off.
I m really super disgusted and irritated, and I hope that i ll find the key tom.
Shall blog about my thoughts on pre-camp again.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
I woke up to a brand new dae, putting the shit of the previous days behind me, and yep, i thoroughly enjoyed myself. =)
Had a great time with bobsie and some of the 26th..
After that i went to surprise shuang er and i m glad to see her happier as well haha..
Fian called me and asked me whether i regretted my decision. Nope, not at all. I only look foward, not back to the past.
Hmmm..strange, my hp and laptop's bluetooth giving me probs. Now i cant upload pictures from my phone to my laptop hmm..
Friday, June 02, 2006
Wonderful! As if things arent shitty enough, i got sacked from work at parad. I rushed down after rag all the way there, only to see the f****** roster omitting my name, when i just saw it last week.
Disgusting. But of coz, knowing the outspoken and cannot-stand-injustice hocky you all know, this was my parting shot to the supervisor and manager:
"If you two have the guts to fire someone, at least have the basic guts and decency to tell them and explain to them in person, especially for someone who has been loyal to parad and worked there for almost a year. This is gross mismanagement, and i have really lost respect for you two. Good luck."
Damn place. This is what i get for slogging for them, and sometimes, after all my hectic school events and work hours in school, RUSHING DOWN ALL THE WAY TO HELP THEM!!!!! JUST THINKING OF ALL THIS MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL!!!!!! I HELPED THEM NOT FOR DAMN MONEY!!! I COULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE FOR GIVING TUITION GOD DAMN IT! I HELPED THEM BECOZ I LOVED THE DAMN PLACE, AND THE PEOPLE THERE!!! BUT NOT ANYMORE!!! DAMN U GUYS!!!
ESP JASON, BLOODY HELL DUN ACT STUPID IN FRONT OF ME!! U CALL YRSELF A DAMN SUPERVISOR, BUT U RE NOTHING COMPARED TO INES. JUST A WHORING BALL-CARRIER. GEY XIAO DUNNO MY HP NO DUN BULLSHIT LAH, DUN EVEN KNOW YR STAFF HP NO WANT TO BE A SUPERVISOR.
I have demons inside me which u dun want to see. Trust me. And u have just unleashed 1 of them.
And so i follow the footsteps of Y, Jumat, Aaron, Door Bitch, Eileen, Indra, Hari, Ines. The place is no longer what it used to be. Whats the point of working at someplace where you dun feel a sense of satisfaction and enjoyment anymore?
I knew it. My Libra instinct never fails me.
So i guess tom would be a more shitty dae.
I m feeling damn shitty todae.
And i hate this kind of feeling.
****!!!!!
***? *** ** * ******* **** ***????
**** ***!!!
* * *********, ***, *****, ********, ***** **** ** **, *** * ***'* ***** **!!!
******! **** ******** *** ******* **! *** *** * ****** **** ****!!!
***** *, ** ***** **???!!
**** ***!!!!! @#*&((%^$%@@#$@#@ !!
Something's wrong.
My Libra instinct tells me so.
