Memories...
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Made 2 new keys for my bike at a cost of 50 bucks.. 25 for the towing and 25 for the locksmith..wow, i gotta give it to the locksmith man..its quite amazing how he can just use a wire then poke here poke there, trying out a few keys and then bingo, got the new key and problem solved.
World cup has finally started..so far all my predictions has gone correct, except that i ve stopped punting liao haha..wow..its gonna be 1 whole month of football action..this is going to be the 4th World Cup that i m watching..my 1st one was back in 1994..12 years ago wah..i rem the German team then..who were really attractive to watch..and the mould of the team is totally diff from now..haha its wierd to c klinsmann as the manager now..back then he was a great striker partnering rudi voeller..they also had mattias sammer, jurgen kohler, christian ziege, jorg heinrich, stefan reuter, thomas hassler, mehmet scholl, stefan effenberg, andrea moller, heiko herlich, fredi bobic...great players..yup, WC94 was the era of baresi, maldini, romario, dunga, roberto baggio, faustino asprilla, carlos valderama, jorge campos, thomas brolin, hristo stoichkov, ruud gullit, frank rjkaard, batistuta, brian laudrup, michael laudrup etc....
yep, no doubt an exciting month ahead..
Thoughts about pre-camp...?
hmm...i must say 1st of all in general, it wasnt easy to totally hand over Arts Camp, my "baby" and something which meant so much to me, something which i spent 7 months of my life preparing and giving my best for...over to a whole new team of people. To be honest, it felt very wierd n awkard to be sitting among the councillors and the crowd, becoz it only seems like yesterdae to me when i was standing in front of the entire campers, talking jokes and inspiring the camp..leading the entire camp in cheers and ra-raing everyone as a whole..making all the big decisions and shaping the direction of the camp and the O Com..spending my time everydae thinkin of how best to improve every aspect of Arts Camp..
As a result, it felt very tricky and irks me whenever i see things which i feel are not right, and which could be improved on during the process of pre-camp..even little little things, or little comments which people may make out of joking intent, keeps me thinking..i was thus very affected by the comments of certain councillors on the 2nd day, so much that i didnt have the mood to cheer or laugh after that, unlike the 1st dae..Becoz i really want e best n everyone to be happy to come for the Camp, and if even 1 camper feels unhappy, i would want to know the reason why, whether is it the fault of the Club and organizers, and how best can we improve to make others feel comfortable with us..Arts Camp is very very important in reaching out to new people as well as the general Arts population..therefore its really no point if programmes are brillant but are done at the expense of connecting and building rapport with the campers..at least thats how i feel...
Yah..and i do feel a bit lost and unappreciated. N i m still asking myself whether i m part of the O Com or not (was slightly offended that people even wanted me to pay for the camp fees)..n whether i am considered an ex-officio for the camp..i rem last yr when i was e pd, i never once forgot bout the help and words that my advisors then, (rudy, ridhwan, and steven) gave me..even raynard (PD during 2003), and i never once forgot to thank each 1 of them for their help. Its really a sucky feeling, esp when i have been doin things behind the scenes, some things which the pd doesnt know but the cpos n caos know, some things which the dpds doesnt know but the pd know, some things which the cpos n caos know but the pd n dpds doesnt know, some things which the fop chairperson know but others dun..
And some things which i know but no one else knows.
Phew, its really tuff to say how i feel. Mayb thats why i took so long to blog down these thoughts. I m not doin things just so that i can earn the appreciation of others, as the things i do are part of my job and responsibilites as P. What i m tryin to say that is that i am human after all, i m not a machine, and i have feelings as well. Not even being worth a single simple word of "thanks" at the end of pre-camp makes me wonder at that point what the hell am i doin all these stuff for, and whether i m being taken for granted. It was actually quite hurting and xian. And i think, (very very sadly..) pre-camp has actually dampened my feelings for Arts Camp.
Having said all these, at e end of the day, i sat down and thought a lot to myself..n told myself to relax, chill, and remind myself of what my priorities are. N thinking about them allows me to stay more focused again..no doubt, i had my time, my golden days n limelight as Camp Pd last yr, but not others, thus there ll always come a time when the old have to step aside for the new. I was happy in a way that jj, lionel, lace, kelvin, guanz, shifty, ruby, bit bit, gandhi, little india, and many many other year1s (goin to yr2s) are steppin up and taking centre attention. These are the young people that needs to be blooded and groomed, becoz they are the future of Arts Club, not me. It would be selfish n short-sighted of me to continue hogging the limelight instead of giving way to these people.
At the same time, i reminded myself again tat my job as P is to make sure that everything goes on smoothly, n that things get settled into auto mode. N tat is e reason y i am a councillor as well, to provide feedback at the ground level, n to settle stuff at the school admin level so tat e O Com can concentrate on running the camp n the programmes. And i reminded myself that my job is not to wayang or do things in front of others, but to do things behind the scenes or when the chips are down (this goes for Rag as well). Unfortunately, some people just cannot see the big picture or see beyond the surface. And if they cannot do that, they will never be ready for true leadership.
Sining sent me a very touching sms 2 nights ago out of nowhere..encouraging me to hang in there, and reminding me that every fop is different. Indeed! Sometimes its little msgs like this which makes u sane and provides further meaning to the things u re doing..this is my 3rd fop, and i must always remind myself tat my role this time is different. Just like on e 2nd day of pre-camp, where i was called in by the Deans Office in the morning to settle some Rag stuff n had to miss a large part of the programmes..N there was also a friend who was upset in the morning n cried..which again nobody knows..and i had to try my best to console her..didnt want her to be upset for pre-camp..i recall that these were the kind of roles Steven had to play when he was P as well during fop2005..givin the necessary empowerment to the people in charge to run the show, while taking a backseat himself. "Clear up the mess left behind quietly", was what he used to teach me.
And it was really heartwarming to see so many former freshies from last yr's Arts Camp and FOP returning this yr to be councillors.. haha..it ll be really interesting to see how they ll behave as seniors. I do hope they become good seniors..
Yup, and at the end of e dae, i reminded myself again of the kind of leader which i strived to be. The kind who helps others to be leaders themselves, and the kind who after the work is done, will have the people remarking tat it was they who have done it themselves. It is a vision and something not easy for me to achieve, but a challenge to myself. I still believe todae that only Ps really understand how it feels like to be experiencing so many funny n complex feelings during fop period, and i do wonder how my successor in future will cope with it. =)
N so i continue to walk on...
